He may be defensive but he cannot belittle you without your co-operation (and even as I write this I know how hard it is to internally say "no thanks" when someone is trying to use shame as a tactic) Robert Bly tells a story of someone coming up to him after a presentation with a list of all that he thought Robert had done "wrong." Robert put up his hand and interrupted the speaker, saying, "No thank you. I will not let you shame me today." I was so impressed with his ability to stand up for himself, I tried it once in a similar situation- but. . . . it didn't really work, because what it did was shame the other person, which really does defeat the purpose. I have learned that there is great power in simply allowing my emotion (sadness, hurt, etc.) to show on my face and walk away- sometimes without a word, sometimes with a simple, "I have to go now," (said as neutrally as possible) even as they are mid-sentence.